Living the dream - Part 1

Here I sit. How have I've become so unhappy? What have I done to deserve this? I've always though, my entire life, that I was a good boy, a hard working boy, a man that have had dreams worth fighting for.  Opportunities. I've always have had opportunities to make it in life. A good job. Money to pay my bills. Money to buy me a car, to go out and party, to live my life.

I did have it all. But somewhere along the way I fucked up. I stopped caring.  I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I asked myself "why?" Why am I doing this? For what? The more I though about it, the more I got back to the question "Why?" I mean, this can't be all that there is? There has to be something else out there worth living for. Something that'd make me happy.

Well, fuck it. I'm where I am right now. No job. No car. No idea how to make it. And the thing that I know is this: this is not happiness. I'm not happy. This is no way to live. I know that I can't find happiness here- But what I do know is that it has to be out there somewhere. Happiness.

But how do I know what happiness is? I already had the Swedish dream. I had a steady job, a nice car, a good apartment. I had security and income. I had what this society calls a dream. So what is happiness? I honestly don't know. I just want to be able to look myself in the mirror and see myself smile.

I want to smile.