Living the dream - Part 2

Well, on with my story. Not long ago I met this guy in a bar. We made our greetings and, since we were drunk, it wasn't long until we fell into discussions about things. Anything and everything really. I felt like I could sit there and listen to him all night. Well forever really. He was your typical extrovert dreamer really. But something about him caught my interest. Even thought he was a dreamer, he had so much ambitions, so many plans.

So when the night were drawing close to an end, I remember asking him one final question: "Are you happy?" He looked into my eyes and responded "No." with a pause. "No, I'm not. Not yet." So I asked him why this was. How could a man with so many dreams and plans not be happy? The response I got what "Thailand." He leaned back and took a sip from his whiskey with dreamy eyes. "I need to get to Thailand" he said. "Thailand is the land of smiles." Without saying anything else he stood up and walked out of the bar, leaving me behind.

It wasn't until the bus drive home that I started to reflect on that random persons words. What did he mean exactly? Why would anyone want to go to a country, which in my eyes, is riddled with poverty and decease?

I woke up the next day, starting my Sunday with pouring myself a glass of whiskey, to chase the dogs tails so to speak. And I sat there, watching my TV, surfing between channels, finding nothing. Until...

Well one channel, particularly, stood out. It was of some, half naked, poor kinds playing in a water fall. They were playing in the water, jumping around, screaming, laughing and having a good time without a care in the world.

That's when I realized what he meant.

Living the dream - Part 1

Here I sit. How have I've become so unhappy? What have I done to deserve this? I've always though, my entire life, that I was a good boy, a hard working boy, a man that have had dreams worth fighting for.  Opportunities. I've always have had opportunities to make it in life. A good job. Money to pay my bills. Money to buy me a car, to go out and party, to live my life.

I did have it all. But somewhere along the way I fucked up. I stopped caring.  I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I asked myself "why?" Why am I doing this? For what? The more I though about it, the more I got back to the question "Why?" I mean, this can't be all that there is? There has to be something else out there worth living for. Something that'd make me happy.

Well, fuck it. I'm where I am right now. No job. No car. No idea how to make it. And the thing that I know is this: this is not happiness. I'm not happy. This is no way to live. I know that I can't find happiness here- But what I do know is that it has to be out there somewhere. Happiness.

But how do I know what happiness is? I already had the Swedish dream. I had a steady job, a nice car, a good apartment. I had security and income. I had what this society calls a dream. So what is happiness? I honestly don't know. I just want to be able to look myself in the mirror and see myself smile.

I want to smile.